HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
After a night of uneasy sleep I awoke at 6:00. Our special hire driver, Mad Max, was coming to pick us up at 6:45 to drive us to Lugogo Mall where we’d get a shuttle from Nile River Explorers (our rafting company) up to Jinja where we’d do the rafting.
We got dropped off. Evan walked to an ATM to get money. I stood outside.
A lady came up to me. “Give me money!”
“I don’t have any money.”
“You lie.” She yelled. “Give me money.”
I walked away.
We got to Lugogo mall a half hour early so Evan and I went to “Good African Coffee” (inventive name…I know) and got a cup of coffee and relaxed.
At 7:30 we got on the bus and relaxed on our 1.5 hour trip north to Jinja.
When we got there there was a morning breakfast spread – eggs, chappati, toast, butter, jelly, watermelon, pineapple – BUT – I didn’t have much of an appetite as they were showing the “best” video clips taken of people rafting over the previous year…and…I mean…the clips were just violent. I started thinking I might be in over my head. The toast and jam hung out on my plate as I watched the video in mute horror! Evan (who’s been rafting) was getting a real kick out of my facial expressions.
Then we had a brief orientation and were told to find rafters with similar risk tolerances (i.e. did we want to flip on every rapid or stay in the raft).
There was one group that said they “wanted to flip on every single rapid.”
Hmm. Next!
We drove to the river.
Finally we met a group of seemingly normal Americans. We got to talking and found out they were 5 medical students on sabbatical from Yale University – cha ching! Evan and I joined their group. In our boat was Dave, Genie, Kristina, Laura, Ram and Erin.
“So…should I worry about contracting bilharzia in the Nile?” I asked the med school students.
(Bilharzia is a human disease caused by parasitic worms called Schistosomes. Over one billion humans are at risk worldwide and approximately 300 millions are infected. Bilharzia is common in the tropics where ponds, streams and irrigation canals harbor bilharzia-transmitting snails. Parasite larvae develop in snails from which they infect humans, their definitive host, in which they mature and reproduce.)
“Ha!” Dave laughed. “You already have it my friend.” He pointed at the ground. “Look at all those snail shells beneath your feet. Your foot has already been compromised.”
Sigh. L
They also told me I would contract a variety of other parasites while rafting. L
No turning around at this point.
“Don’t worry.” They said. “We’ll give you two prescriptions that will rid your body of bilharzia and any other parasites you’ll get.”
“What happens if we don’t take the bilharzia medication?”
“You’ll have full blown cirrhosis of the liver by the time youre 65.” Dave said.
Wow – the news just kept getting better and better.
They gave me two prescriptions: Praziquantel for bilharzia and albendazole for any other parasites that decided to jump on the Joe organ bandwagon as I rafted the Nile.
They could see the worried look on my and Evan’s faces.
“Don’t worry.” Genie said. “We’re all doctors and we’re doing the same thing as you. You just need to make sure you take the medication and you’ll be fine.”
Gulp. Okay. This whole liver failure thing sounded like a real damper.
We finally got into the water. Our guide was a Ugandan named Naithan. He was a cool, gregarious guy. He was at one time the best kayaker in Uganda. He’d travelled all over the world in various kayaking and rafting capacities (he must have made good money because as I’ve noted in the past its rate that Ugandans can afford to travel), he’d even done a segment with Jackass’s “Steve O” whereby Stevo O paid Naithan $1,000 to guide him down the “Dead Dutchman” which is a class 6 rapid (death is very possible) on nothing but a floatie. Naithan agreed. When I finally saw the Dead Dutchman it furthered my thinking that Steve O is a complete psycho. I don’t know how he survived those rapids on a float.
Anyways…Naithan went over all the various safety precautions and drills that were necessary to ensure we were comfortable in the event we flipped. It was a pretty nerve wracking speech. He told us that we could get sucked into vortexes that would drag us underwater for 8-10 seconds. That might not seem like a lot, but when you see these rapids you’ll understand how terrifying that prospect is.
As we went along Naithan described the various rapids we’d cross: rib cage, widowmaker, silverback, the dead Dutchman, super hole, novocaine, vengeance…not exactly warm names.
We came upon our first couple of rapids – category 1 and 2…and they weren’t bad. Bigger than any rapid I’ve ever faced, but not that big. Then we came to our first category 5 and I nearly wet myself. It was HUGE! I’d never seen anything like it in my life. As we approached you could see a drop off and then clouds of mist floating into the air. The sound was heavy and portentous.
We almost flipped BUT we made it through.
Then there were some category 3 and category 4 rapids…we made it through all of them successfully.
Then SILVERBACK. The guide told us that at the beginning of the rapids the water careened down a chute and then hit rocks on either side and shot the water back into the middle – so basically water converged from three spots into the middle. That created the first of 3 major rapids. He said this was the hardest category 5 rapid in Uganda.
We all said our prayers and took off. We flew down the chute and the rapids swallowed our entire raft. It happened so quickly I didn’t even know what happened and the next thing I knew the raft was on my head. When you get knocked that violently you don’t know which way is up or down. Naithan told us not to panic when the raft capsizes – but I couldn’t help it! I was thrashing around like a mad man. You feel the rapids pulling your legs down and pushing you all around and its hard to be cool and let things run their course. My head finally popped up and I gasped for air. I swallowed about a liter of the Nile! Gross. I got sucked down again (this was captured on the video for all of you that will see it when I get home) and I didn’t pop up until another couple of yards. Fortunately I found the raft and hung on for dear life. I looked to my right and saw Evan hanging on. He looked like he was shell-shocked. A few other people swam over and I think we were all a little jilted with the violence of the rapids. And then, BURP, out came the Nile water. And BURP out it came again. I don’t know how much water I swallowed but I’m suret the contents of my stomach would have made for an interesting microbial slideshow.
We finally gathered everyone back on the boat and I think we were all super relieved to be back on the raft.
We had a few other rapids and then ate sliced pineapples and crackers during one of the of the flat sections.
The next category 5 rapid was called Overtime.
“Okay – this is the only rapid where I’m going to tell you exactly what I’m going to do because everyone needs to understand that if we don’t work together the raft WILL flip.”
We all gulped nervously.
“And this is the last category 5 you want to flip on. If we go down the left its shallow with a lot of rocks. If we go to the right there is a 4 meter waterfall.”
4 METERS?!
We set off, nervously. We got to the first rapid and navigated through it successfully. Then we got off course and BAM got stuck on the rock ledge overhanging the waterfall…oh yeah we were also backwards.
“Forward row!” Naithan screamed.
We all rowed for our lives! We finally got dislodged and were able to get around to the left side. We made it safely to the bottom.
There were a few other rapids we navigated and we finally came to a category 6 called “the bad place.”
“Okay. This rapid is too dangerous to go through.” Naithan said. We’ll have to pull the rafts over and then put them in the river down the way. There’s another category 5 we’ll finish up with.”
The “bad place” was honestly the scariest body of water I’ve ever seen in my life. The water flew down a slalom into gnarly knots of water and waves that were so powerful it felt like the ground was shaking.
“Do you think we’d survive if we went down that?” I asked Evan
“I honestly don’t know dude.”
We got out of our rafts and porters put them on their heads and started through the forest to where they were dropping the rafts.
There were cows walking around us as we walked the path bare foot.
One of the Yale medical students pointed to the cow manure mixed with mud on the path (it was raining at this point). “Oh, that’ll give you some interesting parasites too.”
Great.
We threw the rafts in and took on the last category 5. We hit the rapid head on and the raft didn’t capsize but, WHAM, I got flipped off the side. Fortunately when I popped my head up the rapids weren’t as bad as silverback and the raft was near by. I grabbed on and pulled myself in.
We were done! I survived!
We walked up another narrow path, boarded our truck and went back to the campsite. The campsite was beautiful and it overlooked the Nile. As soon as we stepped off the truck our food was ready. We ate with the Yale medical students and it was great.
AND THAT’S WHERE THE GOOD TIMES ENDED.
Evan and I showered and on my way back to the room I saw a guy naked except for boxers, and covered in red paint kicking doors in (apparently he was a devil for Halloween). He’d kick in a door, stick his head in and move to the next one. A girl, wearing green paint was holding his hand.
They kicked in 3 or 4 doors.
“Please don’t let them be my roommates.” I thought to myself.
They walked into the Flamingo room (my room). Oh great.
I walked in after them.
“Wrong room pal.” The girl said to me.
I pointed at my stuff on the bed. “That’s my bed.”
She rolled her eyes and looked away.
By 10:00 Evan and I were spent and decided to go to bed. Apparently everyone else in the campground decided to party like animals.
To make a long story short – the camp was filled with the biggest degenerates and lowlifes I’ve ever come across in one setting. Seriously.
They were blatantly disrespectful, disruptive and antagonistic for no reason.
To give some examples:
- They tried to barricade our door with kayaks
- When they couldn’t figure out how to do that they kicked open our door and threw the kayaks in.
- They tore down all their mosquito nets
- Random people kept waking me up and asking me who I was, to which I always replied, “Who are you?”
- They stole Evan’s shirt
- I will keep this P.G. … but … the girl on the bunkbed below me serviced various different people 5 times between 10:00 PM and 5:00 AM. Thank God for earplugs.
- She also walked around our room wearing only what the good lord gave her. I didn’t see this but poor Evan did. Apparently it wasn’t a pretty sight.
- The people there were mostly from New Zealand, Sweden and White South Africans. I was embarrassed to be a human after seeing how they acted.
I didn’t do anything no matter how much these people messed with our room because they were drunk and they were stupid and if they knew they were bothering us it would have been like throwing gas on an open fire.
Finally one of the girls (who was friends with the rabble rousers) walked out, threw a kayak at one of them and shouted, “Leave the white boys alone!”
By this time it was 4:00 AM.
I texted Evan, who was on the other side of the room. “Just make it till daybreak.”
One of the worst nights of my life. Seriously. Terrible ending to an incredible day.
